My Artist

H loves to draw, but not nearly as much as I love the sweet pictures he gives me. He brought this home from school for me yesterday. It’s a picture of me (and him in the corner). These truly are the times to treasure!

Afternoon in the Park

Happy H on the swings.

Yesterday after school, I spent a lovely afternoon with H. I love spending time with my little guy. I can’t believe when I hear parents complain about their children. It truly amazes me, because I’d spend every moment with my son if I could. So after school, I try to spend as much quality time with him as I can.

It was a gorgeous day out, so we went to the park near the grocery store before shopping. I always enjoy watching how inquisitive H’s mind is. At one point we saw a ladybug and H scrunched up his nose in thought before turning to me:

H: Mom? Why are ladybugs called ladybugs? Are they are all ladies?

A very good question indeed and one I’m afraid to say I had to look up the answer to. But it amazes me how gender is always on his mind. It worries me sometimes because I fear it will become all consuming to him. On the other hand, I admire his curiousness. I feel my role as a parent is to encourage his curiosity. And when it comes to gender issues, I’d rather he ask than keep it bottled up.

I feel as though lately, he’s been growing into his own person with his own sense of style and creativity. He’s confident and happy and I’d like to think part of that is our willingness to let him express himself however he feels. I’ve been letting him pick out his own clothes for school recently, though I haven’t let him wear dresses or skirts. It’s not that I worry about the other kids or his teachers. They are all very wonderful. I’m more worried about the other parents when their kids come home to tell them “H wore a dress today, and he’s a boy!” I guess that’s more a reflection on me and I suppose I have some things to learn from my son and his carefree attitude. 

His hair is getting so long. Personally, I think it's quite cute.

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Identity Tantrum

H getting ready for the wedding...not a happy camper

Though I love my son to death and there’s nothing I wouldn’t for H, like any parent there are moments where he can be very difficult. Part of the reason why I started this blog was to discuss the particularly challenging moments with H, which mostly revolve around gender identification, so that other parents out there dealing with the same issue (and I know you’re out there) would see they aren’t alone. I hoped to help encourage others to be supportive of their sons who, most of the time, prefer to be girlish. I’m not going to say they prefer to be girls, because I don’t think that’s true. At least not with H. I think he genuinely enjoys being a boy, only with…modifications.

All of that said, I’d be lying if I said they’re weren’t times when I wish I didn’t have to deal with it. Yesterday was one of those days. My sister-in-law is getting married and we were invited to attend the rehearsal, seeing as how my husband is in the wedding party. As we were getting ready, H threw a fit over the outfit I “forced” him to wear. 

When I asked him why he didn’t want to wear it, I got a typical 6 year old response:

“Because I hate it! And because I look dumb.”

Of course, I promised him that he didn’t look dumb at all. Quite the contrary, I think he looks adorable…but you can judge for yourself. It was a nice button down shirt and slacks. Nothing too torturous. Now I know it’s nothing unusual for a first grader not to want dress-up, but naturally that wasn’t the issue. What H really meant was that if he was going to wear fancy clothes, he wanted them to be entirely different. Below is the outfit he picked out:

There’s no denying how much happier H is in his outfit. You can see how he beams in the photos. However, to say not everyone in our extended family is supportive of our decision to raise H the way we think best would be an understatement and I admit that sometimes it’s easier to cave to expectations than it is to ignore the comments and looks passed our way. But in the end, H’s happiness was the final factor. My husband and I agreed that if we were going to be the parents we are proud of being, we’d deal with the consequences and went to the rehearsal with H dressed as he wished. 

Yes there were comments. 

Yes I had to bite my tongue more than a few times.

But all the mattered to me in the end was that H had a great time. He really is an amazing child and I’m glad he’s not as sensitive to the bigotry that I’m so fearful of. 

Hair Today, More Tomorrow…

H has been choosing dresses more often as the warm weather starts to creep in. We usually let him choose what to wear. If he wants jeans and a dinosaur t-shirt with sneakers, that’s fine. But if he feels more comfortable that day in a skirt, that’s fine too. Lately though, the discussion with H hasn’t been about clothes. The other week he caught his reflection in a window as we walked home and he frowned. When I asked him what was wrong (being a parent of a child like H, one grows quickly accustomed to sensitivities when it comes to his appearance).

He looked at me and said: I should have long hair to be really pretty.

At first I didn’t know what to say exactly. Of course I tried to assure him that what really mattered was on the inside. But the truth is, H’s hair length has always been a bit of touchy subject. His father and I, while very supportive of who our son is, have always felt keeping his hair somewhat short to be important. (Especially when he was younger, simply because it was easier to manage). But H is at the age where we also want to encourage him to be himself, s0….

How could I resist this face?

After some discussion, we’ve decided it’s up to H what to do with his hair. It’s his, after all. And it’s important that he feels good about himself, however it’s just as important that we work hard to stress that appearance isn’t everything. This is such a tricky lesson to teach a child with gender issues. So much of how he thinks about himself is tied into questions about how he’s dressed. I just have keep reminding him that no matter how he looks on the outside, he’ll always be the same on the inside.

Is it longer yet?

 

 

 

 

It’s been about two weeks and I find him checking his hair length in the bathroom mirror sometimes. His bangs have grown a lot since his last haircut. He’s happy about that and therefore so am I.

Meet My Boy

Here’s a picture of my son H taken last summer. I’m blessed that he’s a healthy, happy little boy. He has such a wonderfully kind spirit, he really does. I know all parents say that, but in my case it’s true. He’s always been generous with his playmates, sometimes even to a fault. (Anyone else’s child ever give away his favorite toy and then you have to retrieve it? 🙂 Yes, he’s that kind of boy and I’m glad for it.

Goofing around

But H is also special in other ways…more difficult ones. Even as a small toddler, he was always drawn to what are traditionally considered ‘girl‘ toys and he’s always enjoyed dressing up. I have no problem with this of course. If a boy wants to play princess with the girls, there’s nothing wrong with that. Luckily, my husband feels the same way and has always been fine with it as well.

Last year, H started Kindergarten and I figured the more he was around kids his own age, he’d gravitate to the other boys…after all, boys will be boys. But what if they’re not? What if one boy would rather be a girl? I tried not to make a big deal out of it. Even when H wanted to wear a barrette or his pink shoes, I allowed it. At his age, the kids don’t seem to notice or care, so there was no issue.

As the school year continued, more and more, H was wanting to wear his ‘home’ clothes to school. We’ve always let him buy items from the girls department when there was something he wanted. Usually we kept those clothes for home or with family. Now I was finding myself having to explain why. And after much soul searching (and discussions with doctors) I decided there was no reason why H couldn’t be the way he wanted.

If he feels more comfortable like this, then who is anyone to stand in his way. Of course, as we continue his journey, I’m sure more challenges will arise. But as long as my boy is happy and healthy, then we can overcome them.