Though I love my son to death and there’s nothing I wouldn’t for H, like any parent there are moments where he can be very difficult. Part of the reason why I started this blog was to discuss the particularly challenging moments with H, which mostly revolve around gender identification, so that other parents out there dealing with the same issue (and I know you’re out there) would see they aren’t alone. I hoped to help encourage others to be supportive of their sons who, most of the time, prefer to be girlish. I’m not going to say they prefer to be girls, because I don’t think that’s true. At least not with H. I think he genuinely enjoys being a boy, only with…modifications.
All of that said, I’d be lying if I said they’re weren’t times when I wish I didn’t have to deal with it. Yesterday was one of those days. My sister-in-law is getting married and we were invited to attend the rehearsal, seeing as how my husband is in the wedding party. As we were getting ready, H threw a fit over the outfit I “forced” him to wear.
When I asked him why he didn’t want to wear it, I got a typical 6 year old response:
“Because I hate it! And because I look dumb.”
Of course, I promised him that he didn’t look dumb at all. Quite the contrary, I think he looks adorable…but you can judge for yourself. It was a nice button down shirt and slacks. Nothing too torturous. Now I know it’s nothing unusual for a first grader not to want dress-up, but naturally that wasn’t the issue. What H really meant was that if he was going to wear fancy clothes, he wanted them to be entirely different. Below is the outfit he picked out:
There’s no denying how much happier H is in his outfit. You can see how he beams in the photos. However, to say not everyone in our extended family is supportive of our decision to raise H the way we think best would be an understatement and I admit that sometimes it’s easier to cave to expectations than it is to ignore the comments and looks passed our way. But in the end, H’s happiness was the final factor. My husband and I agreed that if we were going to be the parents we are proud of being, we’d deal with the consequences and went to the rehearsal with H dressed as he wished.
Yes there were comments.
Yes I had to bite my tongue more than a few times.
But all the mattered to me in the end was that H had a great time. He really is an amazing child and I’m glad he’s not as sensitive to the bigotry that I’m so fearful of.